Saturday, 10 October 2009

So this is a note to myself really, to re-read on the days I'm gnawing my own arm off with boredom and can't remember why I did it. Why I packed in a big, exciting, if rather crazed job for a life in the middle of nowhere and a so-called portfolio career (ie, not having a proper job).

These are the first ten reasons I can think of.

1. Because when I got my son measured for new shoes, I couldn't remember what size he wears.

2. Because I was so busy (away on a work trip, negotiating a tricky deal, while moving house) I forgot my husband's birthday.

3. Because when I filled out the form for my listing in Who's Who, I had bugger all to put in the non-work sections. I don't have time for, like, a life.

4. Because I am so tired of always being tired.

5. Because some things on my to-do list have been there since January, and I keep losing stuff, and there are no bloody curtains in the bathroom, and my ankle hurts because I sprained it (running in heels) and never had time for the exercises the GP gives you, and my houseplants always die. Small things. But they matter.

6. Because of the time I worked in a warzone and had to write weepy notes on what to do in the event of my death. I included a list of Christmas presents for various relatives, obviously the burning issue if I got blown up.

7. Because I can't keep telling friends I'll ring back at the weekend when I have time to talk. I never have time then either.

8. Because I worked 18 hour days when I was eight months pregnant, and still had to prove myself all over again when I got back.

9. Because I don't want my son to be an only child, and it's nearly too late.

10. Because I am no fun anymore, and there must be a better way.

So my mission for the next year is this: to get to know my family again, earn some money while not turning my brain to mush, and create an actual home rather than a house (one with, I dunno, photos. In albums). I also need a better description of myself than "well, I used to be...."

I'm typing this in the office at midnight. It's fair to say this is work in progress.


  1. Nope to the photo album, photos are digital and they go on flickr so that you can tag them and share them with all your friends :)

  2. I guess I laughed the first time I heard the term 'portfolio career', but I hear it more now, and like it more. Even people who consult mostly in one area seem to use it to advertise that they will consider other things. While it may not be a term that you would use for yourself, the concept is a useful one. A themed collection of individual masterworks, not a ragbag of low value bits. An opportunity to experiment, to develop new expertise. A coherent set of activities, not just a scramble for work.

  3. I finally read your piece in last Sunday's Observer (5 days later, at my desk in my lunchbreak, not in the actual paper which remains unread somewhere at home...) and just wanted to say that you have echoed my feelings so completely that there are tears in my eyes.

    I will be following your progress with interest and envy. Well done.

  4. So much of your story resonates with me. I'm eager to follow your story--especially since I plan to pursue a similar course in the not-to-distant future and anticipate that some guidance through the transition will be most helpful. Thank you for sharing your experiences in such a candid manner!